You don’t notice it at first.
A half-hour on Sunday just “to get ahead.”
A few late nights “because it’s a big project.”
A couple of missed workouts or family dinners “just this once.”
Then BAM you’re in the pot. The heat creeps up, degree by degree, so subtly you adapt to the pressure without even realising. You’re the frog, and unless you jump, that pot’s going to boil.
This happened to Erin Callan, former CFO of Lehman Brothers. I was reading Essentialism by Greg McKeown recently (highly recommend, by the way), and this quote from Erin hit me like a freight train:
“I didn’t start out with the goal of devoting all of myself to my job. It crept in over time. Each year that went by, slight modifications became the new normal. First I spent a half-hour on Sunday organising my calendar to make Monday more manageable. Soon I was working on the weekends regularly, responding to emails at all hours of the night. I didn’t wake up one day and decide that my work would be my life. I just let it happen… and then it took over.”
That’s the danger. It creeps. You don’t even necessarily feel it happening.
And for too many of us, it takes a full-blown crisis – a health scare, an accident, the death of someone we love – to finally wake us up. We ignore the whispers of wisdom gnawing in our gut. Why the hell do we let it get to that?
Be careful what you tolerate.
Don’t get me wrong, some stress is good – it sharpens us, fuels growth, keeps us on our toes. And yes, it’s OK to care. In fact, it’s totally OK to absolutely love your work and feel obsessed at times with what you do. I get it. I’ve lived it. I know what relentless commitment to a cause feels like.
But I also know you can burn out doing something you love; and I know that your nervous system was never designed to be “on” all the time. More than anything (as an ex-elite athlete) I know your resilience and your ability to perform is only as good as your recovery.
If you don’t step back, if you don’t carve out space to breathe, reset, and recharge- you will eventually break. No exceptions. Don’t kid yourself that “pushing through” is what high performers do. Real high performers guard their rest and recovery like athletes guard their game-day rituals: non-negotiable, deliberate, and essential to showing up at their absolute best.
So, I’m asking you:
Which responsibilities, relationships, or projects have been creeping in, demanding more and more of your energy?
What’s weighing on you?
What can you let go of, right now?
Ask yourself: has your commitment to [insert ‘said thing’ that is consuming you] found you saying no (consciously or unconsciously) to that which you tell yourself actually matters most?
- Your health. Getting to the gym, yoga, or walking on the beach regularly like you used to love doing?
- Your family. Your kid’s school sports carnival or their award at assembly?
- Your kids. Being home with a sick child?
- Your mates. Showing up for your friends and laughing ’til your sides hurt?
- Your loved ones. Remembering and being present for family birthdays and anniversaries?
- Your recovery. Taking some decent leave, switching off and going on that epic trip?
- Your time. Protecting your calendar from yet another meeting or late-night client call in a different time zone?
Stop and think: what exactly are you trading?
“It’s hard to remember that this day will never come again. That the time is now and the place is here and that there are no second chances at a single moment.” – Jeannette Winterson
If this hits home and you know it’s time to change, let’s talk. I’ve been the frog in the pot – I know exactly how easy it is to let it happen, and I know exactly how to claw (jump?) your way out. As a career, life and wellness coach with real-world high-performance experience (and the scars to prove it), I can help you reclaim your time, energy, and boundaries. You need to be willing. But you don’t have to do this alone. Let’s get you out of the pot – for good.
The Zen proverb says it best:
“We cannot see our reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see.”
If your life feels like chaotic running (or boiling) water, don’t wait for some enormous trainwreck as a sign: Stop. Reflect. Choose. Change begins when you decide that staying where you are is no longer an option. BOOM.
